


The Secret Diary Of Adrien Agreste, Aged 14 ¾

by the17thtearoom



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrian Mole parody, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Hawk Moth is Gabriel Agreste, Lila Rossi Lies, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:41:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22816426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the17thtearoom/pseuds/the17thtearoom
Summary: 4th January 2020.Father has caught the flu. This isn't very surprising when he spends so much time alone in the attic, farming butterflies and cackling.
Relationships: Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth/Nathalie Sancoeur, Luka Couffaine/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Comments: 20
Kudos: 100





	The Secret Diary Of Adrien Agreste, Aged 14 ¾

4th January, 2020.

Father has caught the flu. This isn't very surprising when he spends so much time alone in the attic, farming butterflies and cackling. I did not know that butterflies are so funny, but I suspect that he must have inhaled dust mites at some point. I suspect also that I am developing spots. Nathalie says that she can't see anything wrong with my face, and she spent a long time looking at it with a strobe light when I told her, but this is probably just guilt due to the diet she has me on.

8th January, 2020.

Now Nathalie has caught father's flu! I have resolved to care for them both, in order to spend quality time with them.

I cooked dinner for father and Nathalie tonight! I made eggs and fancy bread, but next time I will have to buy an apron, because the eggs kept escaping the pan and got all over me. Maybe the Gorilla will take me shopping tomorrow.

Father and Nathalie ate none of their dinners. They can't be that ill after all. The kitchen staff are all off with the flu as well, so I had to clean the burnt kitchenware myself, which wasn't easy. Plagg said it would be easier to Cataclysm them and buy all new ones, but he's lazy.

It was midnight when I made it to bed. No wonder I am short for my age.

13th January, 2020.

Today was the worst day of my life. Father has recovered from his flu and wants to know why I spent €200 on an apron. I do not know what he is so angry about because the man in the Dior shop assured me that all aprons worth having cost at least that much. I think he is just mad that I used his illness to assert my independence. Marinette was behaving oddly at school. She kept giggling at her phone and Alya kept elbowing her and saying "girl" in a funny voice. When I asked them what was wrong, Marinette stopped smiling suddenly and looked at me like I was about to run her over with a car. But even worse than all of that! There was an akuma attack after school, and... Ladybug was kissing Viperion afterwards!! I think I will never get over this shock.

14th January, 2020.

I am ill. I am too weak to eat, barely strong enough to write. Nobody noticed that I skipped breakfast except the Gorilla, who stared at me in the mirror all the way to school and gave me a banana before I got out of the car. I am too sad to eat. I gave it to a pigeon.

Ladybug!

_Why why why why_

I no longer like Viperion.

LADYBUG!

29th January, 2020.

Father was making a lot of noise in the attic late last night. His butterflies must have escaped their pen or something but I was still mad because he woke me up, and then I had to get out of bed anyway because there was another akuma. Ladybug was there, Viperion wasn't, which made me feel better until I realised that he wasn't there because he was probably asleep in bed like the snake he is.

2nd February, 2020.

I tried to get into Father's office this afternoon to ask him to delay one of my photoshoots, but the door was jammed! He said it wouldn't open because it was broken, and he and Nathalie were fixing it together. I didn't go away until he agreed to delay the photoshoot though! Plagg laughed and called me blind. I do not understand why because he was at my last optician's appointment and knows my sight is perfect.

10th February, 2020.

Nino doesn't sit next to me in class anymore! Lila Rossi does, because she has tinnitus. I don't think that effects your eyesight though, but she kept copying from me rather than reading from the board, and blowing loud bubblegum bubbles near my ear. Maybe she wants me to have tinnitus too. Then she started leaning up against me because her tinnitus makes her chronically tired. I don't think that's a thing either, but Ms Bustier is scared of Lila so she didn't tell her to stop.

14th February, 2020.

I have written a poem for Ladybug. I am going to read it to her on patrol tonight.  
_Ladybug,_  
_I wanna give you a hug!_  
_Or maybe more._  
_I implore..._  
_You, don't ignore..._  
_Me._  
I think it needs some rearranging though, and Plagg refuses to help.

Ladybug cancelled patrol tonight. She said she is not feeling well but I think she just didn't want to tell me about her and Viperion.

20th February, 2020.

It is Father's birthday tomorrow so I asked the Gorilla to take me to a card shop on the way home from school. Card manufacturers must think all fathers are incredible because every single card had the word incredible on it somewhere. Plagg said I should cross out the "incredible" and write incompetent instead, but I didn't want to be mean. When I got home, Father was angry with me for being late and I wished I had listened to Plagg and crossed out the "incredible". Then I caught him trying to graffiti the card while I was in the shower, but he was too small to control the pen so it didn't really work.

21st February, 2020.

Gave Father his card this morning. He said, "Oh Adrien, you shouldn't have". Then he told me he has business in Prague and that he's going to be gone when I get home from school today. He was right, I shouldn't have. He also said to stay away from the attic, which Plagg thought was suspicious, but I think he's just protective of his butterfly farm.

3rd March, 2020.

I am worried about Father's mental state. He found one of Mother's rings in a jacket he hasn't worn for years, and he just stood there staring at it. Then he asked me, "Adrien, do you ever miss your mother?" and I said, "Every day, but the world keeps going," trying to hint that he should as well. Then he said, "I don't see why it should", so I waited until he was in the shower and removed all sharp objects from his bedroom. People online are saying that Ladybug and Viperion have broken up, because they were seen having a massive argument by the Arch du Triomphe. I hope Ladybug is okay.

Father shouted, asking me if I had his purple brooch that he wears everyday. I do, because I am scared that he will use the pin to prick himself in a fit of heartbroken angst, but I feigned ignorance and he began tearing the house apart looking for it. He will get it back when I am confident he will not use it to self-harm.

No akuma attacks, so I can't check in on Ladybug and see if the rumours are true. Plagg keeps staring at Father's brooch.

9th April, 2020.

Ate breakfast with Nathalie, but she noticed that I was sad and withdrawn. This is because there hasn't been a single akuma attack in well over a month, so Ladybug and I haven't had an excuse to see each other face to face. I don't know what Hawkmoth thinks he is doing. Nathalie said I looked constipated and I almost told her something, but there's no point trying to explain love to a woman who even thinks the word is obscene. Father's mood has been worsening by the day, since he found Mother's ring. I think I made the right decision confiscating all his pointy objects.

Marinette is in love with me! She told Alya who told Nino who told me. I told Nino to tell Alya to tell Marinette that I love her too, and that it is important that friends can express their feelings to each other just like romantic partners do. She's such a good friend!

12th April, 2020.

Nathalie was writing my new schedule onto the calendar in my room while I was at school today, and she turned up Father's brooch! He has gone nuclear. He was shouting and ranting and throwing things about in his office for a good two hours, apparently, but by the time I got home his temper had quieted down to a low thrum of disappointment. I know the feeling. I am constantly disappointed in him. He has retreated to his office and is refusing to speak with me, but I stand by what I did and can only hope that Nathalie's shortsightedness doesn't result in tragedy.

13th April, 2020.

Hawkmoth has returned with a vengeance. Ladybug and I were busy most of the day taking care of all the akumas he sent out. We were working for hours and she barely broke a sweat. We communicate with mere glances, through tiny motions and looks. I am irrevocably in love with her.

 _Oh Ladybug,_  
_Bug-a-lug-lug...  
~~I love the Bug  
~~_What rhymes with bug...?  
~~Nug, dug, fug~~

I may take a crash course in writing poetry.

16th April, 2020.

Apparently Marinette and Luka were going out a while ago, and they broke up. It's very sad, because they're both such good friends of mine! Marinette explained this to me today when she came to tell me that Alya was wrong about her being in love with me. She couldn't quite get the words out but I understood anyway. We're on such a great wavelength! It's like I don't even have to try to understand her, but that's what friends are for, I guess. Father's mood is much improved since Nathalie returned his brooch to him. He's back to tending his butterfly farm and cackling at odd hours of the night, so I guess he's happy again!

Plagg has once more accused me of blindness, but he is a tiny, tiny god. He cannot understand the human condition as I do.

20th April, 2020.

Father's office door has broke again. He and Nathalie were hours fixing it this time. You'd think that with all the money poured into this place, we'd be able to find some half-decent hinges. Plagg continues to gloat; I still cannot see what my eyesight has to do with any of this.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because the two Adriens (one being Adrian) are so different, and yet are the same in one way; they are both oblivious morons. We love them nonetheless.
> 
> [Find me on Twitter!](https://twitter.com/VeryLucyJane)


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